Paranoidal Activity Pt. 2: "Lady" "Bugs"

It is currently 2:38 am, September 12th 2012. This means my window has been shut for at least a week and a half, if not longer. The only other way in my room is through the door, which is only open when I am going through it. Other than that, there are no more ways to get in my room; there aren't any cracks in the walls, no holes in the floor, and only a negligible amount of space between the door and its frame. These are facts.

A lady bug cannot go more than a few days without eating food. Ladybugs eat aphids. Aphids live on leaves. There are no leaves in my room. These are more facts.

According to the facts, the most recently a ladybug could have gotten in my room was a week and a half ago. Given the facts, any ladybug that happened to get in my room should have died from starvation by now. It all seems fairly straightforward.

So what business does the fattest ladybug in the past decade have flying into my bed, landing on my pillow, and allowing me to accidentally crush it with my cheek as I lie down?

And why does it always end in catastrophe when a lady gets in bed with me?

None. No business at all. And yet, here I find myself, covered in about a gallon of ladybug insides and picking up dead ladybug chunks off my pillow. If you're wondering, no the guts aren't running down my cheek; they're just a little too sticky to do that.

Something doesn't seen right about this situation. I've never really trusted ladybugs before (not that I'm very susceptible to placing any faith in insects), but they've always come across as the most suspicious insect. Now I have proof that something is up.

The reality doesn't line up with the facts. How could have one survived and-judging by its unbelievable girth- even thrived on literally nothing to eat for so long? This, coupled with the fact that I've never actually seen a ladybug doing what it's supposed to be doing in real life, worries me. Something doesn't add up. Sure, I've seen plenty of pictures with ladybugs prowling around on leaves, looking for aphids to eat. But I'm beginning to think that those are just ladybug propaganda pictures. In real life, I've seen ladybugs on peoples' various body parts (like their arms or hands or head, pervert), in cars, in houses (always next to windows, never on plants), on slides, and now even all over a pillow. I have never seen a ladybug on any kind of vegetation.

What's going on? Why would they work so hard to perpetuate a lie as stupid as "I like leaves a lot"? I Google Image searched specifically for "ladybugs NOT on leaves" and got six pages of nothing but ladybugs on leaves. What are they actually hiding? Why are they always facing me when I see them, and why do they never blink around me? What do they want?

What's worse is that now, even if I see a ladybug on a plant, I won't be able to believe that it didn't read this post and spread the word around for all ladybugs to start acting more "natural." These ladybugs are watching me, waiting for some sign of weakness. Hopefully, I can catch them in the act and show the world the true face of their sweet, beloved ladybugs.

That's more like it.