Finding Motivation

I have a paper to finish writing by ten tomorrow morning, but I have run out of the willpower to finish it. Every time I try to continue, I blink and another hour has gone by. This is a list of anything I'd rather do than this paper. I will continue until I come across something I wouldn't rather do. And that is when I will go write some more. I'll start easy so it'll take longer.

• Not write a paper.
• Shop for food.
• Eat food.
• Become food.
• Clean my room. 
• Take out the trash.
• Wash my clothes.
• My homework for other classes.
• Wake up in the morning after I drank milk and forgot to brush my teeth before falling asleep.
• Rub sandpaper all over my body for two minutes straight.
• Stomp on my own foot as hard as I can.
• Pluck out my chest hairs one by one.
• Accidentally kick a chair with my bare pinky toe while walking.
• Do twenty handshakes with people who let their wrists go limp.
• Read literally anything else besides the music history readings I'm supposed to be using for this paper.
• Let a roach crawl up one leg and down the other.
• Eat a hot banana.
• Get my hands sticky and not wash them afterwards.
• Twist my finger until it has turned 180 degrees.
• Twist my foot until it's turned 180 degrees.
• Twist my head until it's turned 180 degrees. Assuming it would just hurt, not break it.
• Eat spicy ice cream.
• Stand on my head for fifteen minutes with no break.
• Roll down a hill with lots of pine cones.
• Be pantsed in front of people.
• Get salt on my palms and rub my nipples for 20 seconds.
• Be tickled for 10 minutes straight.
• Take cold showers for the rest of my life.
• Never take a shower again for the rest of my life.
• Skin both of my knees and my elbows.
• Have to pick something up that I dropped in a used toilet.
• Puke.
• Be the only person in the world who couldn't walk on his hands.
• Get silly-puddy stuck in my armpit hairs.
• Pet a kitten.
• Learn how to be responsible.
• Puke with my mouth closed so it has to come out of my nose.
• Walk barefoot across a hot parking lot.
• Not wear deodorant for a week.
• Get splinters on the bottom of my feet.

I honestly can't think of anything other than the typical dying, breaking something, being poor, etc. things. The only thing I can think of is at least it's not the 10-12 page paper that we have to write later in the year. But that's the worst consolation prize ever. Now I'm even less motivated to write this paper. Great.

Paranoidal Activity Pt. 2: "Lady" "Bugs"

It is currently 2:38 am, September 12th 2012. This means my window has been shut for at least a week and a half, if not longer. The only other way in my room is through the door, which is only open when I am going through it. Other than that, there are no more ways to get in my room; there aren't any cracks in the walls, no holes in the floor, and only a negligible amount of space between the door and its frame. These are facts.

A lady bug cannot go more than a few days without eating food. Ladybugs eat aphids. Aphids live on leaves. There are no leaves in my room. These are more facts.

According to the facts, the most recently a ladybug could have gotten in my room was a week and a half ago. Given the facts, any ladybug that happened to get in my room should have died from starvation by now. It all seems fairly straightforward.

So what business does the fattest ladybug in the past decade have flying into my bed, landing on my pillow, and allowing me to accidentally crush it with my cheek as I lie down?

And why does it always end in catastrophe when a lady gets in bed with me?

None. No business at all. And yet, here I find myself, covered in about a gallon of ladybug insides and picking up dead ladybug chunks off my pillow. If you're wondering, no the guts aren't running down my cheek; they're just a little too sticky to do that.

Something doesn't seen right about this situation. I've never really trusted ladybugs before (not that I'm very susceptible to placing any faith in insects), but they've always come across as the most suspicious insect. Now I have proof that something is up.

The reality doesn't line up with the facts. How could have one survived and-judging by its unbelievable girth- even thrived on literally nothing to eat for so long? This, coupled with the fact that I've never actually seen a ladybug doing what it's supposed to be doing in real life, worries me. Something doesn't add up. Sure, I've seen plenty of pictures with ladybugs prowling around on leaves, looking for aphids to eat. But I'm beginning to think that those are just ladybug propaganda pictures. In real life, I've seen ladybugs on peoples' various body parts (like their arms or hands or head, pervert), in cars, in houses (always next to windows, never on plants), on slides, and now even all over a pillow. I have never seen a ladybug on any kind of vegetation.

What's going on? Why would they work so hard to perpetuate a lie as stupid as "I like leaves a lot"? I Google Image searched specifically for "ladybugs NOT on leaves" and got six pages of nothing but ladybugs on leaves. What are they actually hiding? Why are they always facing me when I see them, and why do they never blink around me? What do they want?

What's worse is that now, even if I see a ladybug on a plant, I won't be able to believe that it didn't read this post and spread the word around for all ladybugs to start acting more "natural." These ladybugs are watching me, waiting for some sign of weakness. Hopefully, I can catch them in the act and show the world the true face of their sweet, beloved ladybugs.

That's more like it.