A Reflection and Apology to a Pretty Girl

I didn't realize you were walking in front of me; I was just walking by myself and listening to my ipod while looking at nothing in particular. We had just walked into the dorm and were heading toward the entrance to the actual dorm rooms. That door is always such a hassle because you can't just open it like a regular door, you have to input your 810 and scan your hand first. And those five or six seconds seem like the biggest inconvenience of the decade at that moment.

It's disappointing that it all happened in a moment, and that that moment will stick with me for the rest of the day, and probably tomorrow, and the next day. It was actually such a bad impression that it will stick with me until I can get another chance to leave a better impression on you (never). But maybe if I can just give you the story from my side, you'll be able to see past all of this.

As I said, I didn't notice that you were in front of me, and in my defense, you were pretty far ahead of me. But since you were ahead of me, it was your turn to input your 810 number and scan your hand to let us in to the dorm room area. You did it very well, and what stuck out to me is the fact that you waited while holding the door, letting in people that were behind you. It was very kind of you, but that is where the problem started.

You see, holding the door is a nice thing to do for others, but it opens the door for other problems. These problems include, but are not limited to:

- making other people speak (like saying "Thank you")
- accidentally letting a rapist/murderer in
- uncomfortable timing and guessing of how long you should be expected to hold the door to let other people in.

This time, by holding the door, you initiated problems one and three. Maybe number two, but I don't know the other people you held the door for.

I was a very unfortunate distance away from the door when you made your last check to see if anybody was left. It was only a distance of about ten steps, but it was right in between being too close to let the door shut and too far to hold the door. But, because you're so nice, you decided to hold the door- and I was appreciative. I also realized that the seed for problem number three had been planted, and it was up to me to try to fix it. So, in an effort to resolve the upcoming issue, I picked up my pace of walking. I went from "sad cow with sore legs" speed to "mother speed-walking excitedly through a store" speed. I thought this was an adequate speed, and I think you agreed; problem number three was averted.

But, because social norms hate me, averting crisis number three led to an exaggerated problem number one and probably a misunderstanding between us.

As I gaited towards you, I decided that I was going to give you the most sincere "thank you" I've ever given. I recognized the time you were sacrificing for me and the others, and that the others rudely neglected to give even a simple "thanks" (which I think is a behavior that correlates to rapists/murderers, so you might have introduced problem number two to our dorm as well). You deserved a fat, sopping "thank you" that was just oozing with humanity and seeping at the pores with sincerity. For this "thank you," I wanted each syllable to be dripping with gooey gratefulness, and I wanted the message "I have been where you are now; I know your sacrifice and thank you for it" to stick to you like a pulpy residue. Wet.

But sometimes when I talk, bad things happen. This was one of those times.

There are a couple reasons why making a person talk (as in saying "thank you") is a problem. First, some people stutter, which is probably embarrassing. Or maybe the person hasn't spoken in a while and their voice is rough. Perhaps they're sick and can barely speak, or they're just in a really bad mood. For me, the reason talking is a problem is because of the hyper-active mucus glands in my throat. These babies are constantly just pumping out pint after pint of that gooey goodness, and it fills my throat fairly quickly. So, when I haven't spoken for a while, it takes some time for me to clear the phlegm off of my vocal chords. Unfortunately, this isn't something I can just say out loud in public, so people sometimes don't understand what's happening.

As I go to deliver the defining "Thank you" of a generation, I was already planning to bask in the glory afterwards. My throat, however, had different plans. The golden "Thank you" that was going to come out so smoothly and majestically accidentally came out as "Thawkghuuugsss" as the surplus of mucus bubbled up in my throat. And that is how I became the first person on the planet to experience that awkward moment when you try to speak to a stranger, but it comes off as bad parseltongue impression.

That's literally what it sounded like, and I'm very sorry for it. It wasn't very loud, and the only prominent part of the abomination was the "ssss" at the end because that's one of the only sounds that doesn't require vocal chords. It sounded like a snake trying to hack up a hairball. Again, I'm so sorry for that.

This is what led to our misunderstanding, too, because I was sent into a brief panic after I heard what had just come out of my own body. There was a mucus-slug inside of my throat, and I needed to get it out before I could speak again. So I cleared my throat loudly, hoping that it would somehow convince you that I wasn't necessarily part-snake. Another attempt was made at saying the coveted "Thank you," but with my confidence shattered, it came out only a little louder than a whisper. And I'm afraid it might have sounded out-of-breath because it was so soft and airy. But let me be clear; even though I did what amounted to a merry trot for about ten steps, I was not out of breath. You have to believe me on that. My pride is at stake here, and I need you to know that a springy power-walk doesn't tire me out after only ten steps.

So I apologize, Pretty Girl, because you didn't deserve to be put through that. I didn't deserve to suffer through that either. This was just an unfortunate moment where all parties involved ended up worse off than before. Hopefully we can both forget about this event and put it behind us. I really am sorry.

A Major Musical Music Major Problem

Assignment: Write out your process for doing melodic dictations.

My process for melodic dictations begins when I walk into class about ten minutes late because it's just too early in the morning for responsibility. My first step is to calm myself down and assess the situation. This involves looking frantically at the board, hoping to see both a bass and treble clef (meaning a harmonic dictation) and eventually being let down as I realize it's a melodic dictation. I rush to my seat and fumble around in my book bag, looking for a pencil and some paper. Next, I take three deep- but very quick- breaths and tense my entire body for roughly five seconds. I relax as I exhale; I am now ready to do a melodic dictation.

The next step in my process is to create a staff for me to do my dictation on. I have to draw a staff on my own notebook paper because I am a poor college kid and can't buy fancy staff paper. Unfortunately, this step takes until about two hearings into the dictation. After that step, I panic and look around for someone nearby who I can copy- which is nobody, because no one is good at melodic dictations. Especially when they're atonal. For the third hearing, I usually start at the beginning and attempt to write each note as it happens. This lasts for about three notes before I get too far behind. I then sit and wait for the last note and count how many beats it is. From there I am able to work towards the middle measures, and when the two ends finally meet up, I can use the last hearing to make sure everything is correct. Then, I turn in the dictation to my TA. My last step is receiving the dictation a week later and finding out that I earned a 57- a new record.

Trees: Old People :: Broken Trunk: Broken Hip

If an old person falls in their home and no one is there to hear them, can they still call Life Alert?

Look at that woman. The sexy yet panicked expression on her face tells me she needs assistance.

Fortunately, I can answer that question for you: Yes. There is a new technology in the Life Alert alerting devices that can detect rapid changes in elevation. It then sends out a signal to call the proper contacts, and if you can't answer the phone when they call, it will signal for a wahmbulance to come save you.

You can see the distress washing over her as she realizes that her carpet can't call Life Alert.

So on behalf of all old people, as well as people who love old people, I'd like to thank you Life Alert. So thanks, Life Alert, and keep up the good work.

Life Alert: Making you wait longer and longer for your inheritance.

Recognizing, Creation, Focusing, and Commas...Lots of Commas

I'm going to reveal something that some people might find weird, and in an attempt to keep this post going, I will just state it, pretend that it's not as odd as it sounds, and move on with my point. And I'll promise to try to use less commas per sentence while doing so.

I take showers in the dark. I like to close the doors, turn off the lights, place my towel by the door to block extra light from coming in, sit down, and relax as the steady, hot water falls on my body, calming me. I also like to break promises concerning commas, and I don't feel bad about it because, thanks to the AP Stylebook rules, commas aren't used frequently enough.

Anyway, it's very relaxing and you should try it before dismissing it. It's a little like sensory-deprivation, but mostly just for your sight. And to specify, I don't do this for every shower. I only do it when I know I have a lot of free time to just relax and think. Also, that's all that goes on in there; I know what you're thinking. No funny business. Remember kids- if you do something you're not supposed to do in the shower, the drain will get clogged. The water will build up, and you'll probably drown as a result, so please be smart..and clean.

It was during one of these showers, though, that I realized something that I had never thought about before. It was about the difference between recognition and creation and how that relates to me in my future career of being an musician.

If you close your eyes right now, you probably won't see pitch black. Right now I'm closing my eyes and I see some black, but it's spotted with green and red dots with a purple box where the computer screen was. (I'm also showing off my typing skills a little bit...ladies.) But when you've been in a dark shower for a little bit, these colors go away and are eventually replaced with nothing but black. You lose all depth perception because your eyes are just met with a black wall. At my house, I can get it to the point where there's no difference between having my eyes open and covering my eyes with my hands. When I finally got to this point, I began thinking about how the colors remain in your vision after you close your eyes. I noticed that I was seeing nothing but blackness and tried to recreate color in my mind. At first I thought "Red." followed by "Yeah, I know what that is.It's a color, like the one on a tomato." I was almost satisfied by this. But I actually wanted to see the color, to prove to myself that I actually knew what "Red" was.

So I'm sitting there, and I have a black canvas to paint my colors on. But the catch was that my eyes had to be open. If they were closed, it would feel like just my imagination; I wanted it to be real. I would only be convinced if the "Red" made the transition from my brain to the real world.

The first few moments were filled with me trying to focus on "Red." It was not the most successful focusing; a common trend for me is to have ineffective focusing techniques when I am working to do something. It went a little bit like this:

"Ok. Clear your mind. Even of this voice. Right....Now.....Ok, now just try to imagine something red. Red. Red Red. Focus. Cmon, focus. Red. (In a slightly different voice): I can't clear my mind if I'm thinking..so stop...now..*accidentally forgets to breathe, but it clears my head for a couple seconds*...hey there we go! you got it! now do it again but think of the color red...go...now..*forgets to breathe again*..ok good, now just breathe this time..*becomes very conscious of breathing* in...out..in..goddamnit..stop thinking..Red..Red.." and so on..

That turns out to be how I end up trying to focus while knowing that I need to focus and am actively trying to make myself do so. I'm not focusing on the right thing- I'm just focusing on focusing. And I do a really good job at that. So good, in fact, that I forget about what I'm supposed to be focusing on. It doesn't happen all the time, just at the worst times. During scary things like auditions. Or performing. Or even trying to talk to people I don't know very well. Things I need to be able to do easily if I want to be good in life.

It's something I've been aware of, but not something I knew how to fix. But I think I do know how now. After a while of trying to focus on something other than focusing on something, I was able to see a dot of red. Not the "Red" I had been thinking about for the past couple of minutes, but a real, live color, standing out on the black landscape. And then I was able to expand that dot and make it a bigger red. And then I was able to make it a blue. And then a purple. I was finally over the frustrating meta-focusing hurdle. I was able to project what was in my mind into my real world- all from a shift in my focus.

And that's the key for me to become a musician. For those couple of minutes, I was able to go from recognizing "Red" as in "Oh yeah, red. Like on a tomato.." to creating red. A simple shift in focus allowed me to be a creator, not a viewer. And if it can work for colors and vision, why not music and hearing?


Just like I was able to think "Red" and create red with my vision, maybe I will be able to hear music and create the same music as I hear in my head. It's often said that being able to hear in your head what you're going to be playing out loud is the key to making music, but it's not often said that to be able to do that, you have to stop focusing on focusing and let yourself be enveloped by the music.

I'm not saying I've mastered it already or anything; I'm just saying that when I do, all of you principle horn players out there better look out. I'll be coming for your jobs.