Bookmarks

Unable to finish the chapter. Unable to close my book. All I can do is blankly stare at the page before me. I have read it many times through by this point; I know it by heart. I no longer need the book to tell me how the story goes. But I can't set it down in fear of losing my place.

I sit here with this book, reading and re-reading a story I hate. I can hear the life outside calling me, and I want to join it. But I am stuck. Unable to finish the chapter. Unable to close my book.

I know what happens next, but I can't bring myself to read it. Because reading means realizing- Bringing it to life. Making it unavoidable.

Finally, the world outside becomes too much to ignore. I've felt the days passing by as I sat with this book in my lap. I've felt myself wasting away. As always, I rush back into life. But- as always- I also unconsciously reach for the corner of the page. Before I run off, I fold the corner down and mark my place. Unable to finish the chapter. Unable to really close my book.

I come back in, refreshed and revitalized until I look at my book. I can see the unevenness in the pages where the corner is folded. I had thought that going back out into the world would continue my story, but in reality I have just picked up another book.

My stomach sinks as I remember the book. The story has become stale; the outcome remains just as obvious. My thoughts dwell on the book as the days pass by. I still go outside, but I am haunted. I can still see the folded corner, even as the book lies closed. In this state, time will not help because the bookmark is permanent. In a moment of desperation, I decide to unfold the corner. I may be unable to finish the chapter, but now I can close my book.

I will go out and join the rest of the world. I will make connections and grow; I will finally be living again. And as time passes, I will first feel the distance between me and the book deepen. But those feelings will fade as my memories of the book fade, and I will have moved on. I will be reading a new book.

But unfortunately, I also know how this story goes.

Because I know that I will stumble upon the old book one day.

And I know that I will pick it up and open it out of curiosity.

And my heart will drop as I discover that although I may have unfolded the corner, there is still a crease in the page.

And I will be right back where I left off.

The chapter still unfinished. The book still unclosed.

Perfectly Preserved

Everything has become wrapped in plastic, separated from me. 

I touch things, but I can't feel them.

I look at things, but I can't see them.

I eat things, but I can't taste them.

All I feel is plastic; all I see is plastic; all I taste is plastic.

Everything is staying as it once was, preserved by my memories. But I only artificially interact with it; there is no connection- no way to really sense the world around me. 

I reach out, but the world has become senseless.

.

.

.

.

.

I have become wrapped in plastic, separated from the world. 

I touch things, but I don't feel them.

I look at things, but I don't see them.

I eat things, but I don't taste them.

All I feel is plastic; all I see is plastic; all I taste is plastic.

I am trying to keep everything as it once was, preserved by my memories. But things change with my interaction, so I retreat into my wrapping- afraid to make connection. Afraid to really sense the world around me.

The world reaches out, but I have become senseless.

How to Make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

I read a post recently that has inspired me to start my own cooking/meal preparing blog. But, I think I'll try it out on this one first.

I think I'm going to name the new blog "Skin Snacks," because I'd like to keep it tied to this one, and I'd like to widen my readership from "Nobody" to "Nobody plus cannibals."

How to Make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

• Step 1: Find your ingredients. 

Preparation is key in making your sandwich. Make sure you know where your basic ingredients are. For this meal, the ingredients are:

     -A slice of bread (at room temperature)

     -Another slice of bread (at room temperature)

     -A peanut butter (at room temperature)

     -Some jellies (also at room temperature because you didn't actually have the jellies before you wanted to make a PB&J, so you went to the store and bought some)

• Step 2: Find your utensils.

This is another important part in your preparation. The more prepared you are to create your sandwich, the easier and less painful your experience will be. The utensils you will be using are:

     -A knife

• Step 3: Take the bread slice and the other bread slice out of the bread bag.

Do this by holding onto the top of the bread bag while it spins loose. You will then have easy access to the bread.

• Step 4: Find a place to put the bread slice and the other bread slice.

Sometimes a plate will be around, but in reality any solid, mostly dry surface will do. I like to use the counter, as the abundance of old crumbs adds a little crunch to the sandwich.

• Step 5: Put the bread there.

Take your time and don't force the bread anywhere it doesn't want to go; that will only end up with a squished/soggy/violated sandwich.

• Step 6: With your utensil, pick an ingredient and put it on one of the bread slices.

This can be done in a variety of ways, but I like to put the jellies on the left bread slice first. This way, the knife is easier to lick clean because jelly isn't as hard to clean off as peanut butter. It's also less gross to find residual jellies in your peanut butter than vise versa.

Note: They are called jellies because of the way they are applied to the left bread slice. During application, they are scooped out with the knife and placed onto the bread. They are then left undisturbed and unspread, leaving lots of little jelly lumps, or jellies.

• Step 7: After licking your utensil clean, pick the other ingredient and put it on the other bread slice.

Note: Make sure to spread the peanut butter. Do not treat it like the jellies.

• Step 8: CAREFULLY pick up the bread slice with the jellies on it and SWIFTLY flip it over onto the bread slice with peanut butter on it.

It is essential to do it this way. Because they are not spread and pushed into the bread, the jellies tend to roll off the bread and on to the counter. If this happens, don't panic. Take a deep breath, pick the jelly up with your fingers, and blow all visible dirt off of it.

Or you could just pick up the side with peanut butter and place it- carefully, recklessly, emotionally (really any way you want to)- onto the jelly bread slice.

• Step 9: Pick the sandwich up and eat it

Whether it was on the counter, floor, table, or in the sink, just pick it up and eat it. Enjoy all the tastes- expected and unexpected. And if you used a plate, you won't be needing it anymore. Honestly, you can hold it in one hand and finish it just in time to start thinking about making another. 

But you won't. 

Because by following these instructions, your sandwich looks like this:

Step 10: Pray for forgiveness.

• ***Optional Step 10: Take a slice of human skin and wrap it around the sandwich.***

This is just to pander to my new readership.