Trees: Old People :: Broken Trunk: Broken Hip

If an old person falls in their home and no one is there to hear them, can they still call Life Alert?

Look at that woman. The sexy yet panicked expression on her face tells me she needs assistance.

Fortunately, I can answer that question for you: Yes. There is a new technology in the Life Alert alerting devices that can detect rapid changes in elevation. It then sends out a signal to call the proper contacts, and if you can't answer the phone when they call, it will signal for a wahmbulance to come save you.

You can see the distress washing over her as she realizes that her carpet can't call Life Alert.

So on behalf of all old people, as well as people who love old people, I'd like to thank you Life Alert. So thanks, Life Alert, and keep up the good work.

Life Alert: Making you wait longer and longer for your inheritance.