Nut Scratching, Closed Doors, and a Series of Tough Questions

I was just in the bathroom when I did something that made me think. I scratched my nuts. It wasn't a very thought-provoking action, but as I did so, I looked up and saw that the stall door in front of me was closed. No one could see. It made me ask myself, "Would I have done this if the door was open? Or if I was outside?" The answer is "probably not," and that's the thing that got me thinking.

How do you determine who someone really is?

I'll start on a small scale and try to show you my thought process and how I ended up asking myself this.

Small Scale

In the closed stall where no one was watching, I was a scratcher. But in the outside world, with other people, I am not a scratcher. Which one am I really? Does the fact that I scratched when I knew no one would see make me a scratcher that just acts the part of a non-scratcher in public? Or does my conscious decision to not scratch in public make me a non-scratcher?

Slightly Larger Scale


I'm sure everyone has been asked this question, or at least been exposed to it somehow: What would you do if you were invisible for one day?

I think that this question is deeper than what the words are asking. To me, this question is also asking, "Would you actually act on your impulses once the filter in your brain was removed? In other words, once the pressure of others' rules and expectations are gone, would you still be yourself, or would you be different?" Most people would probably act differently if I had to guess. But that leads to questions similar to the small scale section: If the person chooses to do something that they normally wouldn't do, are they actually a person that had been pretending to be someone else their whole life? If it's something illegal, and they know no one is watching and that they won't be caught, does that make them a criminal at heart? What would it mean, then, that before this chance, they have lead a crime-free life? Does their conscious effort to not do crime make them a truly law abiding citizen or does their temptation to commit a crime make them something else? Are they criminal or not?

Larger Scale


Your brain is surrounded by closed doors, and no one can see inside. You have to either let your thoughts out, or let people in. Otherwise, they are completely secret. This sets up the next step of my thought process.

Lots of thoughts go through my head every day. Here is a quick jot list describing the range of my thoughts:
- Happy
- Sad
- Funny
- Disgusting
- Embarrassing
- Dirty
- Innocent
- Etc.

My point to this is to say that no one knows what I think unless I say it. I know what I think, and I also select what thoughts I want others to hear. I think most thoughts come directly from the subconscious mind, and that you have to consciously organize them in order to mean something. It seems that there is rarely any definite beginning to a thought that you are aware of. Thoughts just pop into your head at seemingly random moments, suggesting that they are from your subconscious mind. The tricky thing about your subconscious mind is that you can't control it (I will write later about what I think the subconscious mind actually is)(ithinkitsbullshit). Controlling it would make it your conscience.

So do the thoughts that go through my head define who I am as a person? The sum of my thoughts is unique to me, so it would make sense to say that. But if that's so, and I have disgusting or dirty thoughts, it would make me a disgusting or dirty person- even though it's out of my control.

So in that case, is it what I choose to dwell on and the thoughts I consciously organize and reveal to the world that defines me as a person?

The Big Question


Is it your conscious or subconscious mind that defines who you are as a person?

I may never know...