In My Apartment

In my apartment. Everything is fine.

In my apartment. Out in the rain. Everything is fine.

In my apartment. Head in my hands. Anger. Out in the rain. Everything is fine.

In my apartment. Focus on distractions. Head in my hands. Shallow breathing. Anger. Out in the rain. Everything is fine.

In my apartment. Focus on distractions. Losing control. Head in my hands. Shallow breathing. Feel my pulse. Anger. Stand up. Out in the rain. Everything is fine.

In my apartment. Focus on distractions. Losing control. Head in my hands. Shallow breathing. Feel my pulse. In my head, fingers, throughout my body. Anger. Stand up. Pull my hair. Hit the wall. Numb. Out in the rain. Everything is fine.

On the sidewalk. Relive the moment. Pulse receding. Breathing deepens. Head out of hands. Regaining my control. Dry off. In bed. Back to normal. In my apartment. Everything is fine.

On the sidewalk. Relive the moment. Breathing deepens. Regaining my control. Back to normal. In my apartment. Everything is fine.

On the sidewalk. Pulse receding. Regaining my control. Back to normal. In my apartment. Everything is fine.

On the sidewalk. Regaining my control. In my apartment. Everything is fine.

In my apartment. Everything is fine.

I'm in my apartment, trying to focus on distractions. But I'm losing control. My head falls into my hands, and I notice my shallow breathing. I can feel my pulse; It's in my head, fingers- all throughout my body. Is this anger?

I stand up. My hands have developed a mind of their own, clenching into fists as they pull my hair. I try to remember the last time I was angry. I can't. I only remember why I am angry now as I feel heat spread from the pit of my stomach to the rest of my body. It won't be long until the white-hot anger completely consumes me.

I turn away and face the wall. Every vein in my body expands and contracts in time with my heart. My body is pounding. I take in a breath and completely lose myself. I reach my arm back and swing it forward as hard as I can. My fist connects with the wall. The sickening thud rings throughout the room, and my hand instantly goes numb. I can't feel it grasp the knob as I slam my door. I storm out in the rain and lie down.

As I lie there on the sidewalk, I relive the moment. It felt so good as my fist was going towards the wall- the power of being able to unleash and act. I was truly satisfied and felt truly alive in that moment. I stay out in the rain for a few more minutes before making my way back. I stand up as I feel my pulse receding from my extremities back to my chest. My breathing deepens and returns to its normal rate. I take my head out of my hands, finally regaining my control.

I walk to my room and dry off. I change into clean clothes before I get in my bed. I am back to my normal self before I fall asleep. In my apartment.

Where everything is fine.