How to Make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

I read a post recently that has inspired me to start my own cooking/meal preparing blog. But, I think I'll try it out on this one first.

I think I'm going to name the new blog "Skin Snacks," because I'd like to keep it tied to this one, and I'd like to widen my readership from "Nobody" to "Nobody plus cannibals."

How to Make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

• Step 1: Find your ingredients. 

Preparation is key in making your sandwich. Make sure you know where your basic ingredients are. For this meal, the ingredients are:

     -A slice of bread (at room temperature)

     -Another slice of bread (at room temperature)

     -A peanut butter (at room temperature)

     -Some jellies (also at room temperature because you didn't actually have the jellies before you wanted to make a PB&J, so you went to the store and bought some)

• Step 2: Find your utensils.

This is another important part in your preparation. The more prepared you are to create your sandwich, the easier and less painful your experience will be. The utensils you will be using are:

     -A knife

• Step 3: Take the bread slice and the other bread slice out of the bread bag.

Do this by holding onto the top of the bread bag while it spins loose. You will then have easy access to the bread.

• Step 4: Find a place to put the bread slice and the other bread slice.

Sometimes a plate will be around, but in reality any solid, mostly dry surface will do. I like to use the counter, as the abundance of old crumbs adds a little crunch to the sandwich.

• Step 5: Put the bread there.

Take your time and don't force the bread anywhere it doesn't want to go; that will only end up with a squished/soggy/violated sandwich.

• Step 6: With your utensil, pick an ingredient and put it on one of the bread slices.

This can be done in a variety of ways, but I like to put the jellies on the left bread slice first. This way, the knife is easier to lick clean because jelly isn't as hard to clean off as peanut butter. It's also less gross to find residual jellies in your peanut butter than vise versa.

Note: They are called jellies because of the way they are applied to the left bread slice. During application, they are scooped out with the knife and placed onto the bread. They are then left undisturbed and unspread, leaving lots of little jelly lumps, or jellies.

• Step 7: After licking your utensil clean, pick the other ingredient and put it on the other bread slice.

Note: Make sure to spread the peanut butter. Do not treat it like the jellies.

• Step 8: CAREFULLY pick up the bread slice with the jellies on it and SWIFTLY flip it over onto the bread slice with peanut butter on it.

It is essential to do it this way. Because they are not spread and pushed into the bread, the jellies tend to roll off the bread and on to the counter. If this happens, don't panic. Take a deep breath, pick the jelly up with your fingers, and blow all visible dirt off of it.

Or you could just pick up the side with peanut butter and place it- carefully, recklessly, emotionally (really any way you want to)- onto the jelly bread slice.

• Step 9: Pick the sandwich up and eat it

Whether it was on the counter, floor, table, or in the sink, just pick it up and eat it. Enjoy all the tastes- expected and unexpected. And if you used a plate, you won't be needing it anymore. Honestly, you can hold it in one hand and finish it just in time to start thinking about making another. 

But you won't. 

Because by following these instructions, your sandwich looks like this:

Step 10: Pray for forgiveness.

• ***Optional Step 10: Take a slice of human skin and wrap it around the sandwich.***

This is just to pander to my new readership.